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Easy BDSM

BDSM and kink practices can be an exciting and enhancing way to explore your sexuality, body, and relationships. But with so many avenues to explore and so many tools to choose from that can make exploration seem intimidating, how do you experience BDSM practices in a simple stripped-back way? Whether you’re looking for straight forward ways to introduce kink into your sex life, or need some undemanding alternatives for when you’re feeling a little lazy, here are some ideas to explore easy BDSM.

 

Bondage Made Simple

Exploring bondage with a partner can be exciting on many levels. There is the visual element of seeing straps, ropes, and binds over your own or someone else’s body. Being restricted can act as a turn on for some while doing the restricting is exhilarating for others. There is also the freedom and possible healing space found in giving up or assuming power.

One of the most popular ways to explore bondage is with rope bondage or Shibari. However to do this correctly, it requires educating yourself and putting in hours of practice with the tools. Want to explore bondage but don’t want to dedicate the time? Bondage tape can be a fun way to tie someone up on the fly. Our Frisky bondage tape is designed to stick to itself (not your skin or hair), and its 65 feet can be reused multiple times.


Another easy restrictive go-to are Quickie Cuffs. These silicone cuffs are flexible enough to be comfortable yet firm enough not to slip off during restraint play. Fun to loop around a bed post or use in the shower, Quickie cuffs are easy to clean and store.


 

Undemanding Impact Play

Striking someone for sexual gratification, including spanking, slapping, and caning, all fall under the umbrella term of impact play in BDSM. But what if you want to explore this type of play without exerting too much force? Different tools create sensations. A stinging strike from a silicone paddle, like the Tantus snap strap, requires much less physical force that some other toys to create an intense sensation. This can be great for impact newbies, someones with restrictive mobility, or if your just feeling a little tired (yet still kinky) after a long day.


 

Sensation That’s Straightforward

The are some simple ways to explore other sensations in the body that don’t require elaborate sets ups. Tools like feather ticklers or pinwheels can explore a range of sensations, feeling different on different areas of the body, and are as simple as moving the tools back and forth with light pressure. Scratching and biting can also be fun to explore. For something more intense feelings, nipple clamps and suckers can be fun and easy to enjoyable, as can pinching and twisting. Remember, the removal of nipple clamps can sometimes be the most extreme part.

Temperature play can also be a minimal effort endeavor with large returns. Leaving a temperature retentive toy in the freezer can be a good go-to, while ice cubes are another way to explore. If you’re looking to heat things up, temperature play candles like the Make Me Melt Drip Candles, deliver a lot of sensation in just a few drops. Remember, only use candles intending for body play for this - they melt at a much lower temperature and don’t include any ingredients that will irritate the skin.


 

Exploring Role Play The Lazy Way

Role play can be a very detailed thing. From costumes to scripts, there are seemingly endless ways to enhance and embellish a role play scene. But what if you want all the fun of role play without the expense and time? Imagination is key.

Creating roles or personas that aren’t dependent on outfits is an idea. Many role plays include outfits like police uniforms, boarding school uniforms, or plumbers clothes. But what if that role you’re playing is a neighbor, a date off of tinder, or a stranger you met at the grocery store? Not special outfit needed! If the script is something you’re struggling with, imitating characters on a tv show, movie, or porn you’ve watched with your partner can give you an automatic storyline to work with.

Embellishing dialogue or dirty talk during sex with pet names, fantasies, or on the fly stories can also explore role play in a less elaborate way. Remember, try to keep an open mind to keep the dialogue going. If exploring power in the form of giving your partner demands sounds appealing, keeping a pre-discussed list of tasks in your bedside drawer can help take the pressure off of thinking up something in the moment.

 

 

Things you can’t slack on during BDSM:

Consent

There is a misconception that BDSM play can be abusive, however the thing that stops this idea from being true is consent. If both parties are consenting to certain types of play without pressure, coercion, or intoxication, the those acts aren’t considered abusive. During BDSM, a vital part of consent is having all the information. Be explicit in your requests and plans to avoid confusion.

Remember consent is an ongoing thing and can be revoked at anytime during your play. Also never assume just because a partner has engaged in a type of play before that they will automatically be game to engage again.

Safety

No matter what kind of BDSM you’re exploring, safety is a constant requirement. There are certain practises that shouldn’t be tried unless you’re a seasoned BDSM practitioner. One of them being breath play. However normalized it may seem in mainstream sexual culture, never restrict someone’s breathing or block someone’s airways unless you are very experienced. Choking someone, tying something around someone’s neck, or covering someone’s mouth and nose are all considered play that comes with extreme risk.

Being aware of certain general sensitive areas of the body is also important. Avoid binding or penetrating areas of the body that can cause injury like the head, neck, chest, shoulders, knees and ankles. Keep impact play to fleshy areas of the body. Be aware of your play partner’s health and any conditions they may arise during play. There are many ways you can adapt play to suit pain, certain conditions, disabilities, and illnesses.

Communication

You may have heard of a ‘safe word’ being an integral part of BDSM play, however there is much more communication required for a mutually enjoyable time. Having detailed conversations about activities before they happen, what they mean to you, your experiences, your boundaries, and your expectations are just as important as having modes of communication during play. For example, spanking can mean many different things. How do you want to be spanked and with what? What kind of intensity and on what areas of the body?

Furthermore, if you’re restricting someone’s ability to speak (i.e. with a gag), discuss other modes of communication with body language. This could look like hand signals, picking up or dropping a decided item, or shaking your head.

 

 

Aftercare

Combining the elements of pain and pleasure with power can bring up many emotions and feelings. One of the reasons why many people enjoy BDSM and kink play is because of the release and healing that can occur. There is also a surge of adrenaline and certain hormone releases that can feel intense. However, without proper aftercare these feelings and emotions can feel unresolved. There is also physical aftercare if you’re engaging in play that can bruise, break, or irritate the skin.

Make sure to give your partners the attention they require post-play. This could be a processing conversation, reassuring cuddles, or a moment to cry without judgement. Aftercare can be discussed before your play begins but try to be flexible if your partner’s needs and wants change.

Further Education

If you’re interested in exploring BDSM past the basics, educating and learning about practices is vital. Some great resources are SM 101 by Jay Wisemen, The New Topping Book & The New Bottoming Book by Janet Hardy and Dossie Easton, and The Ultimate Guide To Kink by Tristan Taormino.

All Images by Alexandra Kacha 

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