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Vibrator For a Virgin & First Oral


My boyfriend and I are both 18 and seniors in high school, and this is the first serious relationship for either of us. I am a cis female and he is cis male. We have been together for almost 2 years. We are trying to decide whether to try oral sex. My question is, how big of a deal is “fluid bond”? Neither of us have ever had sexual encounters with different ppl other than kisses. If I go down on him, is a condom necessary or recommended, or not a big deal? If he goes down on me, is protection required? What would that look like? Is there any other advice or facts u would give us as inexperienced but curious teens?

-Anonymous

Thank you for your question! I love that you’re having mature conversations with your partner about what the future of your sexual relationships may entail. Having these open conversations is not only great for building intimacy and trust in your relationship, but allows you to express boundaries, fantasies, and concerns. This is a vital skill to have in this relationship and thouse in your future.

You mentioned fluid bonding so let’s talk about what that is. Fluid bonding commonly refers to having sex without a barrier method. Fluid bonding frequently comes up in context in non-monogamous or polyamorous relationship when referring to primary partners or groups. However, many monogamous couples are fluid bonded yet simply don’t know of the term itself. To be fluid bonded is an agreement of trust between you and your partner. To share bodily fluids with someone comes with consequences like the possibility of transmitting a STD, sharing an infection, or an unwanted pregnancy.  

However, let’s talk about to your circumstances specifically. As oral sex will not get you pregnant and neither of you have any sexual history where you could have contracted an STD, you are mostly likely safe to enjoy oral sex without barrier protection. If these circumstances change and either one of you have unprotected sex with someone else, oral, vaginal, or anal, get yourselves tested for STDs before engaging in unprotected sex together.

However there are some benefits to using barrier methods now. Condoms or dental dams can be used during oral sex and are sometimes preferred. Some people enjoy the sensations of condoms, or like how the restriction makes them harder or last longer. If the barrier is flavored, it can be a more pleasurable experience for the giver.

As far as general advice goes for the inexperienced yet curious, my main point would be to take your time. This is applied not only in the bedroom, but in your relationship. Your sexuality isn’t a race to get to certain goals or bases. It’s a journey of discovery and pleasure that lasts your entire life. I would also emphasis the point of communication. Practicing honest and open communication will benefit in every social situation and relationship in the future. Oh, and don’t skip on masturbation! It’s wonderful to have a partner to explore sexually with, but part of the adventure is what you discover about your own body and pleasure while solo. Treat yourself to a toy, and make self pleasure a priority in your sex life. It’ll help you develop a positive relationship with your body as well as help you understand what feels good to you.

Hope that helps!

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