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So my wife and I have recently, within the last 2-3 months, been talking about exploring prostate stimulation through pegging. I had told her that it was something that I was interested in.
To make a long story short, we are both new to even talking about this let alone getting the right tools. She wants to feel dominant and still feel sexy at the same time, I get that. So what type of strap-on would you recommend for her, or would you recommend one of the strapless dildos? Because I want her to be comfortable with whatever she's using too.
Looking forward to hearing from you, and thank you in advance for your time!
-Anonymous
Thank you for your question!
I love to hear from couples that are looking to expand their sexual repertoire and explore some new things. So let’s talk about all things pegging!
First off, so we’re all on the same page about the definition, let’s describe what the concept of pegging is. In its traditional definition, pegging has a very heteronormative and cisgendered interpretation. However, for the sake of inclusivity and using non-binary terms whenever possible, we choose to define pegging as a sexual activity where a person anally penetrates another person using a strap-on dildo. There are a few common misconceptions relating to pegging. Pegging, whether you’re the giver or receiver, is in no way a reflection of your sexual orientation or gender, and is instead just a preference on how you like to have sex. If you have a prostate, it can be a fun way to bring stimulation to this area with the aid of a partner. Pegging can also be exciting if it switches the penetrator / receiver roles that are common in your sexual dynamic.
Finding the right tools and toys is essential to having a smooth and enjoyable pegging experience. Let’s start with a harness. When picking a harness, think about the style, material, and shape, and how these are prioritized for your personal preference. For example, some people like the aesthetic of wearing leather and would pick a harness made from that over anything else. Others prefer comfort over looks and therefore would benefit from the cozy fit of a fabric harness. Whatever style fits your preferences, make sure the harness that you select will accommodate your shape and can be easily adjusted. Look at the size around the waist, thighs, and hips. Also pay attention to where the O-ring (that holds the dildo) is sitting and how large the O-ring is (O-rings can sometimes be changed out). My favorite harnesses? The Strict Leather Corset Back Harness adjusts nicely over your hips as well as frames your butt in a sexy heart shape. My other pick is the Spareparts Theo Harness. The Theo is so soft and comfortable, you'll forget you're wearing it! Plus you can slip a few bullet vibes into it’s built in pockets for the wearer’s pleasure.
The next selection for your pegging toolbox is the dildo. This selection has a lot to do with your own personal preferences too. How accustomed to anal play are you? Have you played with toys before and if so, what size are you comfortable with? If you’re looking for a toy that will be able to penetrate your prostate, using a dildo with a curve is ideal. The prostate is located on the internal wall of the anus, towards the belly button, about 3 to 4 inches inside, and can feel amazing to be stimulated. A set of dildos that I love for anal and prostate play are the Tantus Silk line. Ranging from Small to Medium to Large, these dildos are made from a firmer, smooth silicone, have a nice thick base, and have the ideal curve for pegging. Other noteworthy dildos are the Purple Rain and the Fun Factory Amor.
You mentioned Strapless Dildos, like the Fun Factory Share. These can be great tools as they allow you to strip away the harness and can give some internal pleasure for the person doing the pegging. However, they do require quite a lot of pelvic floor strength to hold inside your body as your thrust and maneuver. So unless your partner is a Kegel champion or your partner doesn’t mind wearing it with a harness, I would recommend you hold off on the strapless dildo until they are more experienced and have practiced frequent pelvic floor exercises.
Finally, don’t forget the lube! Lubrication is the key to having a safe and pleasant anal experience. Since you’ll most likely be using a silicone toy, you’re going to need a water based lube to be compatible. Since the anus is not a self lubricating part of the body (unlike the penis and the vagina), it’s best to opt for a lubricant that will last longer. Sliquid Sassy is a thicker, gel-like lube that will last for longer sexy anal sessions. Another great option is a hybrid lube, like Sliquid Silk, which is a water based lube with a hint of silicone.
After you’ve equipped yourself with the tools that work for you, you’re ready to start exploring pegging! Remember, take things slowly, keep the communication flowing between you and your partner, and understand it may take a few attempts to find the angle, depth, and pressure that works for you. Have fun!