Looking to explore group sex but don’t know where to begin? Beginning your journey into the world of group sex can seem overwhelming, however it doesn’t need to be! Follow these simple steps to assure your group sex adventurers are nothing less than amazing.
What are your specific fantasies?
Group sex can mean a lot of different things. Here are just a few examples of group sex that you maybe looking to explore:
Circle Jerk is where members of the same sex participate in mutual masturbation.
Daisy Chain is where participants give and receive oral sex in a circular formation.
Gang Bang is where a number of people perform sex acts on one person
Double Penetration can be where one person is simultaneously penetrated by two people.
Threesomes or Foursomes are pretty self explanatory and can involve any combination of genders or sexual orientations.
Orgies are where participants freely engage in all forms of sex acts usually in one big group.
Partner swapping or swinging is where couples switch partners with another couple.
It’s also a good idea to think about the kind of persons you’d like to participate in the fun. Do you have any preference when it comes to age, gender, or sexual orientation? Are you looking to play with couples, singles, or both? Do you want your activities to include any kink or BDSM related play?
Navigating while in a relationship
If you’re looking to explore group sex while in a relationship, it requires an honest conversation with your partner. It’s never a good idea to go explore sexual fantasies with others without the consent and support of your partner. Talk about if this is something they would like to join you in exploring. If not, do you have permission to explore this solo? If they do want to participate, what are their specific fantasies and how can you satisfy both of your wants while respecting one another’s boundaries?
This exploration could include having sex in close proximity to other couples while never making contact with another person. Maybe you would like to attend a sex club just to watch (be sure to check that this is ok as per the party rules). Whatever you decide on, be sure that both you and your partner are happy and keep in mind, this may be the first of many future adventures.
Find your people
If you’re seeking an addition to your relationship, online dating apps can be a great way to introduce a third person or put yourself out there as a unicorn for a lucky couple to find. Hook up apps can also be a great way to find small orgies or impromptu events.
Organized sex parties or clubs are another way to delve into the world of group sex and many parties and clubs have specific themes to fit what you’re looking for. Sometimes these events can be found via your local kink scene and require you to be part of the group in order to be extended an invite.
However if you’re looking for something specific that you can’t find at your local sex club or kink scene, create your own group sex experience by throwing your own sex party. By hosting your own party, you can have say on the inclusion and dynamics of the people involved.
Rules
Make sure everyone is on the same page for the plans for the evening by acquainting yourself with the rules posted by clubs and parties or creating and sharing your own. This can include contact information, background checks, referrals, arrival time, outfits, conduct, tips on communication and STI protection. Remember these rules are in place to assure that everyone has good times within a comfortable and safe environment. Rules can also be the personal rules you set for yourself within the group sex dynamic. Maybe you set a rule to stay sober, allowing you to be more in control of the situation or create a plan to pace yourself throughout the event.
Protection
STIs are on the rise as we currently have the highest number of reported cases ever in our society. Let this inspire you (rather than scare you) to make good choices about using protection. Most clubs and organized parties supply condoms and require that they are mandatory for play but it’s never a bad idea to come prepared. Bringing your own supply of condoms, dental dams, and lube will insure your safety as well as access to your preferred method of birth control.
Getting things started
Most sex parties at professional sex clubs have come up with a variety of ways get the party started including drinks and apps, porn looping on TV screens, and even paid professionals to make the first move. If you’re throwing your own party or are attending a smaller scale event, the nervousness and excitement can get in the way of the first moves being made. Avoid awkward situations by having everyone introduce themselves and talk about their previous sex party experiences.
Sex toys can be a great way to ‘break the ice’. By having a selection of vibrators, anal plugs, dildos and/or cock rings present on a coffee table or bedside tables can be a fun way to get the conversation going. After you get past the giggles of it all, sex toys are the perfect prompt to discuss what you're into, what sensations you like, and what you’re willing to try with others.
Cuddling, massage, and light kissing are all great ways to make small moves to build up to something bigger. Whatever the situation maybe, feel empowered to take control of your experience.
Communication
Since we haven’t figured out reading one another's minds yet, clear communication is a must for a smooth group sex session. This includes asking permission to touch, join, or perform certain acts on someone. It’s also important to read the body language and nonverbal communication that is happening. If two or more people are participating in a really hot scene that they seem super engaged in, don’t interrupt. If they are looking around, making eye contact, smiling, or making other moves that suggest you’re welcome, approach and use your words to see if it’s ok to engage. Communication and consent are very sexy at a sex party.
A big part of communication is listening and honoring the responses you get. What happens if you ask someone to play and they say no? Then you acknowledge the response, don’t take it personally, and you move on to find another play partner. This does require you to put your ego aside in ways that you may not be used to, but it vital in keeping the dynamics of the party comfortable. You never know what boundaries a person has set for themselves personal and they may not explain them to you in the moment. Maybe they only want to play with a certain gender. Maybe they are nervous and want to watch the action before jumping in. You simply don’t know, so don’t jump to assumptions.
Have an open mind
Having boundaries is every sexual activity is important to your own sense of safety yet having an open mind can take your group sex participation to the next level. Being open to new ideas and people will only enhance your involvement and you may even learn something new about what you find pleasurable. Having an open mind is also vital in the sex party setting when engaging with other gender expressions and sexual orientations. Respecting the way that other people are enjoying sexual pleasure is necessary to keep everyone safe and happy. This includes not staring, commenting, showing disgust, or laughing at anyone else. If this seems like something you can’t handle, then maybe rethink your participation in a group sex situation.
Jealousy
Oh jealousy! We’ve all experienced it and sometimes it can seem too overwhelming to control. Sex parties and group sex can be an ideal situation for jealousy to occur, even if you’re flying solo. But there are some ways you avoid giving into the feelings of jealously and staying in the moment. Communication before and after the event is your best guard against jealous feelings. If something makes you feel weird, say it. Another would be to empathize with the person you are having jealous feelings about. Put yourself in their shoes and truly ask yourself the question “why are their actions bugging me?”. If they are breaking rules and boundaries previously set then your feelings maybe valid, however if they are playing by the rules, try to focus on the pleasure they are having and seek that pleasure for yourself. This can be especially hard for couples engaging in group sex for the first time but remind yourself that of your intentions to explore together in an effort strengthen your relationship.
Sex party FOMO
FOMO or fear of missing out is something we’ve all had to deal with at one point or another and the sex party scene is no different. At a sex party or club, watching other people, you may find yourself thinking “Why isn’t that me?” It’s ok! Sex parties can last for hours and you most likely won’t be having sex for every second of that. Lower your expectations, pace yourself, and enjoy the erotic sites around you.
FOMO can also occur in a threesome, where two partners seem to be having more play time together, leaving one person out. If you find yourself being that person, let the fun happen for a couple of minutes, enjoying what you see. It's perfectly fine to get back into the action by saying something like "Can I get into some of this fun?".
FOMO is just a form of jealousy which is caused by unrealistic expectations and harmful self comparison. Everyone is there to enjoy themselves so allow yourself to have fun too!
Process the experience
After making your group sex fantasies come true, it’s important to process your experience. Try to do this within the next couple of days, giving you time to let the excitement of the activities subside and you can think about the experience in a more subjective way. What did you enjoy or not enjoy? What would do do differently? Were you happy with your conduct and the conduct of others? Do you want to explore group sex again? If you’re in a relationship, this can be a great time to use conversation to avoid any jealousy or resentment and discuss how you would like any future group activities to occur.
Due to cultural stigma against pleasure, group sex can seem intimidating and taboo. However it has been a part of healthy sex lives for many years and can be a great addition to your personal sexual exploration. Remember to take it slow, leave your expectations at the door, and have fun!
