Whether it’s been an obsession since the discovery of your sexuality or something new you’ve been wanting to explore, anal sex is worth exploring for all genders and sexualities. Anal sex is still not quite mainstream and is still somewhat stigmatized in our society. Sadly, it is far too common for the taboo attitude around anal sex to prevent lovers from having a clear discussion beforehand. This vital misstep can lead to bad first experiences and a fear associated with what should be fun activity. The truth is, anal sex is just as valid and important to discuss and explore as any other form of sexual expression. Welcome to Anal 101.
First things first, anal sex should not hurt. Though the new sensation of fullness may be slightly uncomfortable at first, pain should not be a factor. It’s important to play slowly, during a session or overtime, and remain relaxed throughout. Different people require different things to get to this relaxed state of being — a sensual massage, an intimate bath hang out, or deep breathing. Weed or a glass of wine work for some however it’s not recommended to be intoxicated during anal play, especially if it’s your first time. Aside from being bad for your health, substances like poppers (Alkyl Nitrites) which cause involuntary muscles like your anal sphincter to loosen up can actually cause more harm than they are helpful. With a loss of muscle control, you also lose your ability to gauge your sensation, possible causing damage or tears you won’t notice until it's too late.
Scared to make a mess? Don’t be! The anus and the lower part of the rectum usually have tiny amounts of fecal matter present when you don’t need to go to the bathroom. Usually the mess from anal sex is minimal and is mostly just from the lube, not from you. That being said, dark sheets or a dark towel can ease any worries you have. When it comes to preparing your body to stay clean, a high-fiber diet and a quick rinse in the shower go a long way. Enemas are simply not necessary if you’re eating right and using a quality lube. Some people do enjoy the clean feeling, however repeated use can cause problems with your intestinal muscles. Having a box of baby wipes close by is never a bad idea.
Don’t go straight for penetration! Maybe have a few orgasms first to really bring a sense of relaxation and trust between you and your partner. Build up to rimming (massaging with your tongue and mouth) or massaging with your finger. This is when one of the most important factors come into play - LUBE. Lubricant is the key anal play as no matter how turned on you may get, the anus is not a self lubricating area. There should be no rapid movements, no fast speeds, and constant communication — basically nothing like what you see in porn.
A thick hybrid lube like Wicked Simply Hybrid Jelle, is smooth, thick, and long lasting, while also be safe to use with toys and condoms.
Though it can be amazing for those with a prostate, anal play can still be enjoyable, even orgasmic for people with vaginas too. The anus has thousands of sensitive nerve endings concentrated around the opening and the outer part of the rectum. This stimulation as well as the feeling of fullness, secondary penetration through the anus to the vagina, and the excitement of doing someone taboo, can allow those with vaginas into orgasm fully. Anal sex can also be a fun alternative to period sex. For more details on prostate play, check out Wild Flower’s Guide to Prostate Play.
With the introduction of toys, think small and work your way up in stages. Opt for non porous materials like silicone and stainless steel for easy clean up. The Njoy pure plug comes in small, medium and large sizes, or try the Cheeky Textured Plug Kit that includes two different sizes. Be sure to keep track of where things have been, making sure toys, fingers and penises don’t move between anus and other areas of the body without being cleaned or changing condoms. When it comes to barriers, use a condom on penises and shared toys for STD protection. Be sure that the lube you’re using is compatible with you barrier choice.
It can be a good idea to play solo at first and get yourself accustomed to pleasure anally. Frequent anal play, if done right, should cause no harm to your body. If you notice a slight constipation the follow day, this is normal to experience and has to do with your muscles tightening. Practice your deep breathing and try to relax those muscles again. Because your anal sphincter is a muscle, routine anal play with large objects can the muscle to become stretched which can cause issues with your sphincter doing it’s job of keeping your feces inside your body. If this is something you’re experiencing, don’t worry! Take a few days off from any anal play and incorporate a Kegel exercise into your daily routine. This should help to make the muscles stronger and firmer.
Happy butt playing!!