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Harness Play

Why Harnesses?

Why should you try strapping on a harness? Exploring harnesses can be a new way to play with dildos, either vaginally, anally, or orally. Playing with a harness can defy assumed heteronormative gender roles and can allow partners to experience giving and receiving penetration in new ways. Penetration or being penetrated does not define anything about your gender or sexuality, but it can be a great way to explore new sensations. The feeling of wearing a harness can also be an empowering one. A form of functional lingerie, harnesses are sexy, useful, and fun bedroom tools.

The Diva Open-Back Lingerie Harness looks more like sexy underwear than a traditional strap-on harness. 


Strapping on a harnesses can offer freedom of movement and anatomy. A traditional harness can be a great option for someone with wrist pain or hand issues, while a thigh harness can accommodate someone with a bad back. Furthermore, a harness can be a great way to secure a dildo in a position you like if it doesn't have a suction cup base. Use a thigh harness to strap a dildo to a bedpost or a traditional harness to strap it around a pillow. Hands free fun!

Picking a Harness

Avoid harnesses that are cheap and made from low quality materials. Comfort and secureness are vital to having a good harness experience and investing in a high quality harness is worth the like extra cash. Two strap style harness, where one strap goes around the waist and other between the legs or around the thighs, are much more secure than single strap harnesses. When it comes to penetration, this added security will allow for you to move the toy as you please while also remain comfortable to wear. Added security like additional straps, thicker waist bands, and sturdy hardware can add to a positive harness experience.  

The Curious Classic Harness has the  supportive cut of a traditional harness yet is made in faux, vegan friendly leather. 


Next, notice where the harness sits and if this is going to be comfortable for your body. Would you rather have a harness sit at your waist or around you hips? Would you like the O-ring that holds the toy to the harness to put pressure on your pelvic bone, or to sit higher closer towards your belly button? If thigh or boot harness sounds fun, think about what boots or where on your thigh you may want it to sit. Opt for harnesses that allows you to adjust the sizing in easily on all the straps. Be sure to measure yourself to make sure the harness is the right fit for your body.

Material plays a big role in if a harness is going to be comfortable and if it's going to be compatible for the kind of play you want to explore. Leather harnesses can start out rigid, will loosen up after use, and can be treated with a leather wax to achieve a buttery soft, second skin feel. However since leather is a porous material and can’t be sterilized, if you’re planned on sharing or using your harness with multiple partners, it may not be the best option. Fabric harnesses are a great leather alternative. Many fabric harnesses can be easily washed and are often more comfortable from the very first play time.

SpareParts Joque Harness

Some harnesses have added features that add pleasure and convenience to the wearer. Some harnesses allow for one or more bullet vibes to be in the harness itself or feature dildos and plugs for the harnessed to wear. You may find this idea exciting, allowing for you to feel pleasure while they thrust. However, may find it more of a distraction, wanting to focus on giving pleasure rather than receiving. To prevent unwanted friction and discomfort for the wearer, sometimes a harness will have a backing behind the O-ring. It's important to note that this extra feature may not allow you to use double ended dildos in your harness.

Picking a Dildo

This may not be your first time using a dildo, but the toy you’re going to use in your harness may be different from the ones you’ve experienced in the past. First, let’s go over some dildo basics.

Avant D1 Hot N Cool Dildo

Make sure your toy is body-safe! Since manufacturers aren’t regulated in what materials they can make toys out of, stick to trusted brands and make sure you know what the toy is made from before you buy it. Even some of the most progressive popular sex toy stores carry non-body-safe materials! Pick a dildo that is made from a material that is non-porous and easy to sterilize. Silicone is the best toy material for most harness use as it’s flexible, but other body safe options are glass, stainless steel, and ABS Plastic.

For a dildo to work in your harness, it must have a flared base to be held in by an O-ring. It also need to be a compatible size for the O-ring in your harness. For example, an O-ring that is 2 inches in diameter, your toys will have to be less than 2 inches to work. If the harness you selected allows for you to change the O-ring, you made me different ring for different toys. Deciding the size of your dildo is vital for a fun and safe experience. Don’t opt for something much larger than what you’re already accustomed to if you’ve used toys in the past. The shape and texture of your toy is also a personal preference. Ridges, bumps, and curves can be fun for some, while smooth, straight shapes are ideal for other. If you’re new to dildos and being penetrated, the Tantus silk line is a perfect place to start.


Harness kits can be a great fool-proof way of buying all that you need to explore this type of play. A standard kit will include the harness, a dildo, and the compatible O-ring. More elaborate kits may give you a 2 or more dildos as well as extra bullet vibes (if the harness has that feature) or extra O-rings. Be sure when you’re buying a harness kit that you review all of the items that come in the package. Just because something is standard in that kit doesn’t mean it’s the right size, shape, material, or fit for you.

Tantus Bend Over Intermediate Kit

Picking a lube

When picking a lube, you want it to be compatible with not only the dildo, but the harness as well. Chances are that some of the lube is going to make it way onto the harness and you wouldn’t want to use anything that could stain or degrade it. Water based lubes are an easy choice as they work with all toy materials, are easy to clean up, and don’t stain fabric or leather harnesses. Thicker gel like water based lubes like the Sliquid Sassy are best for longer sessions and anal play. Some Hybrid lubes like Sliquid Silk work with silicone toys and won’t harm leather harnesses but they are a case by case situation. If you’re unsure if a lube is to be compatible with your toy or harness, try doing a small patch test on the base of the toy or inside strap of a harness.


Let’s talk about the best positions to get the sensations you’re looking for.

If you’re new to wearing a traditional harness and aren’t yet confident in your thrusting skills, positions where the penetrated partner is on top (Cowgirl / Cowboy, Reverse Cowgirl / Cowboy). These positions also allow for the person who is being penetrated to have more control over the depth and the speed, also ideal for beginners. Variations of Doggy style allow for easy anal and vaginal access. If you’re using a curve dildo to hit G or P spots, you may want to angle the curve downwards to hit the right spot. Using pillows under someone's hips can help support this position while also allowing the person being penetrated to relax a little more. Angled pillows and wedges, like the liberator heart wedge pillow, makes for great aids in getting just the right position. The Chairmen is a popular position for traditional harnesses and well as thigh harnesses. Sitting on a chair not only gives you support, it allows for face to face intimacy and better depth control.

Practice makes perfect

The first time you strap on a harness and a dildo, it can feel very unnatural. If you’re not used to having extra tools and wearables as part of your play, it may take some time to get used to. It’s always a good idea to try your harness on before any play so you’re able to adjust the fit to your comfort and get used to moving in it. If you’re not used to being the one doing the penetrating, thrusting in a harness can also feel very unusual. But stick with it! Practicing these movements will only make these muscles strong and ultimately the movement easier. If you’re the one being penetrated, take things slowly. Check out our educational article ‘Anal 101’ and ‘Prostate Play’ for some vital anal advice.

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