It’s time to reclaim the handjob!
Handjobs can be a great way to focus pleasure on your partner, allowing them to lay back and indulge in an orgasm. They can be enhancing for any gender, any sexuality, and partnership. The art of a good handjob requires getting to know your partner more intimately, paying attention to their body language and physical responses.
First things first, have a conversation with your partner on how they like to pleasure themselves using their hands and fingers. Even better, watch them pleasure themselves first. Notice to the speed and pressure in their movements and how that may change as they pleasure themselves. Pay attention to their body language and notice what areas of their body they also move during masturbation. Do they like to thrust their pelvis while they pleasure themselves? Maybe stretch out their legs? Rub their chest? Make sure not to restrict these body parts during the handjob you plan on giving them. If you partner has the same anatomy as you, you can also take cues from your own masturbation techniques.
Before creating some magic between your partner’s thighs, wash your hands first! An antibacterial soap with clear away any unwanted bacteria and help prevent any unwanted infections, disruption of PH levels, or bacterial growth forming — especially in sensitive bodies. A successful handjob requires leverage and good range of motion. Make sure you’re both comfortable. Try sitting in between their legs, cross legged or have them sit at the edge of the bed while you knee on the floor.
Lube is your friend! Using a body friendly lubrication during a handjob can be a wonderful enhancement to sexual pleasure. A silky silicone lube, like Sliquid Silver, is ideal. Try placing it in a bowl of warm water beforehand to bring the lube to body temperature, avoiding any shock of cold lube.
Throughout the experience, encourage your partner to express what feels good and what doesn’t. If you’re doing something they’re not into, don’t take it personally. You’re both working towards a common goal of getting them off. If your partner is too focused on your moves to chat, asking simple questions like “is this good?” or “does this work?” to get the feedback you need.
If your partner has a penis
There are many fun methods to try when giving a handjob to someone with a penis and it doesn’t have to be reserved for one hand only. Using two hands you can either interlock fingers, stack hands making twisting motions in opposite directions, or using the second hand to massage the testicles via the scrotum. Note that the testicles are more sensitive than the shaft of the penis. A little stimulation creates a lot of sensation.
Pay attention to the corona (the ridge where the head meets the shaft) and the frenulum (the thin ridge that runs the length of the underside of the penis). Adjust your speed and pressure as their arousal grows. Arousal signs can be firmness of the penis, pre-ejaculate, firmness of the scrotum, heavy breathing, and thrusting. Increase the pressure and speed as these signs increase. Don’t be shy about a firm grip!
As they get closer to orgasm, place pressure on the perineum (the space between the scrotum and the anus) with your pointer and middle finger. Use the pad of your finger or your knuckle instead of the tip to avoid scratching that sensitive area.
If your partner has a vagina
A comfortable hand job for a vagina requires trimmed nails with no sharp edges. This extra step in grooming with assure no scratches as well as ridding you from any bacteria that could have been lurking under those nails.
Lube can feel really good on the vulva (the external part of the genitalia) and shouldn’t be just reserved for the vaginal canal. Use fingertips to tease the outer labia, moving to the inner labia, and to the clit. Spend time teasing and touching to build up arousal. Roll the outer labia between your thumb and forefinger. Inner labia are thinner and more delicate than the outer labia so adjust the pressure as you move inwards.
The next step is internal. Check in with your partner to assure they are ready for that. Understand that using your fingers to penetrate is different that using toys or your penis. Avoid ‘finger-banging’ and move with intent. To stimulate the G spot, insert two fingers inside the vaginal canal and make a come hither motion. Curl your middle and forefinger back and forth. You should feel a collection of ridges and soft tissue. As you move your fingers, you may feel this gland swell, restricting your movement. Keep going.
Not many people with vaginas can orgasm via internal stimulation so include external stimulation of the clit with the other hand.
Muffing
Muffing is a great alternative to anal for someone who may have a penis, yet doesn’t want to include it in any sexual play. Muffing is fingering the inguinal canals of someone who has a penis. The inguinal canal are two twin pockets, located above the groin behind the scrotum. These canals are where the testicles are stored during puberty and after the descend, where they hide when exposed to cold or during certain tucking methods.
Imagery from “Fucking Trans Women: A zine about the sex lives of trans women” by Mira Bellwether.
Lift up the penis and search for the openings up and behind the base. The canal opening are about the diameter of a finger, yet can stretch larger. The angle of the canal is slightly different in every body, lying towards the base of the spine and the belly button. They are physically sealed but you can invert these pockets, making a space to be penetrated by fingers.. It’s perfectly safe to interact with these canals, as long as it doesn’t hurt.
Imagery from “Fucking Trans Women: A zine about the sex lives of trans women” by Mira Bellwether.
Some people enjoy this method, some don’t. Ask your partner about their experience with muffing before any activity begins. If they are new and open to the experience, encourage them to explore their body first to make sure it’s something comfortable in their body.
For deeper insight into muffing and other trans relates sexual information, check out “Fucking Trans Women: A zine about the sex lives of trans women” by Mira Bellwether.
