The New Year is the perfect time to reflect on the year past and prepare for the year to come. A traditional way to practice this is via resolutions or goals. A goal can be defined as a mental representation of a desired outcome that a person is committed to. Basically, formulating something you want and creating a plan over time to get it. This same goal setting can be applied to your sex life. Setting sexual goals can be a great way to explore your sexuality, define yourself, and expand your self pleasure.
What are you trying to achieve?
The first element of setting a goal is to clearly outline what you’re trying to achieve. Are you trying to strengthen or enhance your current relationship? Do you want to explore your sexuality and answer some questions about yourself? Are you looking for more fun and adventure in your sex life? Spend some time really delving into what you’re looking to achieve or feel after conquering your ambitions. Avoid cliched or stereotypical objectives in favour for what you truly want or desire.
Are you going to or able to stick to it?
The second most important part of any goal is to create a timeline or expectation that is accessible to you. This requires you to be honest with yourself. Setting an expectation of sex everyday within your relationship may be unrealistic if you’re dedicated to a busy job that involves long hours. Instead concentrate on the quality of the sex you do have on planned date nights. If you are new to masturbation and self pleasure, avoid setting an intimidating goal of masturbating everyday.
Self improvement, not self punishment
It can often seem like maybe resolutions are tools of self punishment as many of them focus on physical appearance or enhancing something you feel you are lacking. Don’t feed into this behavior! Even calling something a goal rather than a resolution can be motivating in a whole new way. Keep it positive! Try to focus on the self-improvement side of goal setting and how reaching your target will only enhance what you already have.
Goals like ‘be more sexual adventurous’ or ‘explore your sexuality’ leave a lot of room for interpretation. The more vague a goal is, the less likely you are to achieve it. Get specific with your sex life goals. Instead of ‘explore your sexuality’, try ‘have a threesome’ or ‘have a one night stand’.
Partner consent or participation
If you are looking to set a goal that requires you partner to participate or that might affect or change your relationship dynamic, it’s vital to include them in the conversation. Discussing your ambitions together with help deepen the mutual understanding and intimacy, as well as create goals that you both are excited about and supportive in achieving.
Preparing yourself for all of your sexual exploration can only enhance your experience for the better. Looking to learn how to squirt or ejaculate? Get yourself a G-spot dildo or vibrator. Wanting to enjoy some casual sex? You’re going to want to prepare yourself with birth control and/or STI barriers.
Setting time limits may not be reasonable
Sex and sexuality are often sensitive, emotional, and temperamental things. A sexual goal of yours may require a specific sexy mood, some vibrating tools, or another person that isn’t readily available. It can be unrealistic timelines on such delicate things. Think of your goals that can’t be constrained with time as more of intentions. When the correct circumstances arise, you’ll be open, prepared, and eager.
Not all goals require a daily or weekly check in yet some can benefit from it. Maybe your goal is to masturbate more and indulge in self pleasure. You could benefit from a bathroom post-it or phone reminder. You could keep your favorite toy on your nightstand, ready to be used when you slip into bed or wake up in the morning.
Reevaluate and evolve
Change. It’s the only constant we can count on. That’s why it’s important to be flexible with your goals and adapt them when you see necessary. If you set a goal to open up your exclusive relationship only to find it’s damaging to your original partnership, it maybe time to reevaluate the goal you set. Maybe incorporating defined time to communicate clearly, stronger boundaries, or switching back to a monogamous partnership might be the most beneficial move.
What if you meet your goal sooner than expected? You’ve acclimated to your new achievements and are ready for more? A perfect time to evolve your goal and progress to something bigger, further, and more exciting.
So after all of this information, it’s time to plan some goals for yourself. Not sure where to start with setting your own personal sex goal? Need help putting your goals into words? Here are some suggestions to get the creative juices flowing.
"Explore pegging with my partner."
”Masturbate in new and unfamiliar ways.”
"Plan to have sex at least twice a week with my long term partner."
”Masturbate in new and unfamiliar ways.”
”Have a threesome.”
”Practice clear and open communication about my sexual needs.”
“Invest in a sex toy and use it regularly.”
“Be diligent about self breast exams every month and regular OBGYN visits.”
“Open up my current monogamous relationship.”
“Orgasm for the first time.”
“Enjoy more casual sex.”