Can Sex Toys Replace Sex? Debunking the Myth
Sure, sex toys can be a great way of reaching climax and experiencing pleasure when a partner isn’t there, but there are so many other ways to use toys and tools in relationships too. Some people use toys as a method of exploration with their partners. Others use toys to help with dysphoria. Toys can be the gateway to discovering your orgasm with a partner or a tool for when sexual dysfunctions arise.
A toy will never be able to replace the intimacy you can experience with a human and that’s ok! Sex toys are not meant to replace — they are meant to compliment.
Myths about Sex Toys
Many people internalize the idea that using sex toys is a sign that something is lacking in their sex life and therefore, bringing up the idea to introduce sex toys is in some way attacking their partner’s sexual performance. This notion is reinforced by old ideas like referring to sex toys as marital aids, and newer notions, like when toys are marketed as replacements for partners. Furthermore, many of us aren’t taught how to talk about sex or communicate our sexual wants or needs.
As a method of breaking the stigma around sex toys, we need to stop positioning them as competition.
How Sex Toys Impact Relationships
One of the things that most people crave within a sexual relationship is variety and sex toys can offer at that. At the beginning of a relationship, your partner is the element that is new and different, yet as time passes and intimacy builds, creating newness takes effort. Sex toys offer new ways of exploring pleasure together and inject a little excitement back into your shared sex life.
Sex toys can also make orgasms easier and more consistent. Many people struggle to reach climate with a partner, especially if sex is concentrated to PIV penetration. Sex toys can make shared sex more pleasurable for everyone involved.
When reconsidered, sex toys actually do not replace a parter but can enhance your relationship with your partner instead.
Sex Toys to Enhance Your Relationship with Your Partner
Surprising a partner with a sex toy in the bedroom a big no-no. Unless you have a partner who you know loves surprises like that, introducing something new without first discussing can leave people feeling anxious and pressured.
Instead have a conversation outside of the bedroom. Don’t start the conversation with shame or excuses. There is nothing wrong with using sex toys and coming to the conversation with positivity will help your partner do the same. The best way for people to suggest using toys to a partner is coming from a place of exploration - suggesting a new way to explore pleasure enables more fun and excitement in your sex life.
What are the best sex toys for couples?
Not only are sex toys a simple way to enhance your sex life, there are many toys out there designed specifically for partnered use. When deciding on a new sex toy, you’re looking for the best toy for you and your partner. Discuss what sensations you want to explore and in what ways you want to use the toy (during penetration, or maybe during mutual masturbation, for example). Consider your budget and ensure that you’re investing in a body-safe toy that is easy to use and care for.
Shopping for sex toys together can also be a fun date night idea. The excitement of looking at options, and the anticipation for it to arrive in the mail makes it all the better.
So, what are the best sex toys for couples? Here are some of our favorite sex toys for partners.
We-Vibe Chorus is the most intuitive couples vibrator yet. The classic and popular We-Vibe shape has new squeeze guided control, allowing the couple to stay in the moment and increase the vibration by simple squeezing the remote. It is shaped to wear during sex with powerful vibrations that will stimulate the G-spot.
The Diva Open-Back Lingerie Harness by Strap On Me allows you to explore harness play in a sexy yet comfortable way. Sometimes referred to as "pegging", harness play requires a snug and secure fitting harness just like this one. The Diva Harness is made from skin-hugging model cotton with a stretchy elastic waistband - perfect for accommodating your curves.
Panty vibrators like the Satisfyer Sexy Secret Panty Vibrator can be a fun addition to partnered play, especially for couples who might enjoy some discreet exhibitionism.
Always keep in mind, while there are recommendations on how to use certain sex toys, ultimately you’re exploring and finding ways that toys can work for you. As long as you’re playing safely (like only using flared based toys for anal play, for example), you get to make the rules on what sex toys are best for you and your partner! Having an open mindset will help you stay away from being overly concerning if you’re doing things “right”. If it feels good, then that’s right for you!
To further enhance your sexual relationship with your partner, check out our how-to-guide for developing better communication during sex