Hi! I just would like to say your page is amazing and has intrigued me into getting a sex toy. But I am in a relationship and I have asked if he’s wanted to incorporate a toy in our sex life. He said yes but we haven’t really gone further than just talking about it. He bought a toy with his last relationship and that’s one of the reasons why they broke up. How can i ask about it again without being too pushy or making him feel a certain way? And what toy is good for our first toy? Thank you so much for your help! Xoxo

-Anonymous

Hey! Thank you so much for your question.

So your questions left me with a bunch of questions for you. First of all, I think it’s important to unpack the reasoning as to why the introduction of a sex toy was so harmful to your partners past relationship. Do you know more about the reason as to why the toy added to the demise of the relationship? A piece of vibrating silicone or a crystal cock aren’t harmful in themselves, however there can be a lot of feelings that come with them. Some people place themselves in competition with a toy and using one is somehow a suggestion of their inadequacy. If this indeed what happened with your partner and his ex, this maybe the reason he’s so hesitant to introduce a toy into your current relationship. On the flip side, maybe your partner felt pressured to introduce a toy or type of activity when he wasn’t ready or it was something he simply didn’t want to do.

 

Either way, a conversation needs to happen. Communicate to your partner that sex toys are to enhance a relationship and encourage him to share any concerns or issues he has. Yes, he may not be able to vibrate, gyrate, and stimulate like certain toys can, but your in a sexual relationship with him because you enjoy having sex with him. No toy can replace the feeling of having sex with a partner and a well picked toy can only make the sex better! Decide together what the toy is going to be used for (maybe a clit vibe during penetration, or a butt plug that can be controlled remotely) and then shop together. Spend some time browsing through toys, talking about what looks fun and what doesn’t.

 

Because I’m not sure about what kind of toy you’re looking for, nor am I aware of your anatomy and preferences, I’m going to suggest a few toys that I think are great for partnered play without being too intimidating. The first would be the Dame Fin. This cute little vibe simply slips onto your fingers via a teather and becomes a vibrating extension of your fingers. Wonderful to use on all areas of the body, the Dame fin is light and powerful. Next would be the Njoy Fun Wand. The Fun wand is a stainless steel joyride, perfect for stimulating and penetrating G spots and P spots alike. The weight is very satisfying and the steel can be used with any lube you like! Next would be the We-vibe Verge if one or both of you have a penis. This cock ring sits underneath the scrotum to stimulate the perineum (the external point of stimulation for the prostate) as well as transfer that vibration down the shaft of the penis to the receiver. If you’re looking for some fun butt toys, the We-vibe Ditto would be my go to. This perfectly shaped, not-to-big vibrating butt plug comes with a remote control. Think about the fun you could have when you’re partner controls with the vibration.

I hope that answered your question!